Before working with Antonia, I was stuck in fear and survival mode. I was so hung up on losing weight to feel worthy of life, I punished myself daily through my thoughts as well as through diet and exercise plans I hated. I’d tried everything to “fix” myself: regular talk therapy, somatic therapy, meditation, nutritionists, fitness coaching, self-love coaching, emotional intelligence coaching, spiritual ascension, yoga teacher trainings, essential oils, traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, gratitude journaling… everything. Nothing was working—and I blamed myself for it. Hiring Antonia was a last ditch effort, and I was afraid I’d mess up our work too through what I perceived to be my inconsistency, resistance, and lack of discipline. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
In the safe, calm, compassionate space Antonia created, I was supported to realize I wasn’t lazy, I was just exhausted and hurting. I didn’t need more discipline, I needed permission to be gentle with myself. She helped me realize my resistance wasn’t an enemy to to be conquered, it was my body’s wisdom trying to speak to me. With Antonia, I learned to come home to my body and gently get in touch with the big emotions I was avoiding through my mindless hustling. Things like grief, rage, and fear. I unpacked my toxic capitalist conditioning around productivity and learned the importance of rest, as well as to “meet myself exactly where I am”, and that has been a breath of fresh air.
The surprising result of slowing down and loving myself has been that I’m now making progress towards my goals completely organically. The destructive rage that I used to turn inwards on myself, I’ve learned to transform into healthy motivation to fuel the building of my business. I’m also no longer pursuing copied versions of other people’s success as a form of self-escapism, I’m creating success my way. Befriending my body has transformed exercise and food into a source of pleasure and joy instead of punishment and pain. And finally, I can now recognize when I’ve pushed myself to my limits of my nervous system’s capacity and have the tools to gently guide myself back into self-regulation, protecting me from burning out again in the future.